Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
