Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
