If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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