So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
