im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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