Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
