Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
