tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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