so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
