There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
