I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
