Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
