I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
