It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize