im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
