Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
