dude i'm inner monologue high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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