I wannas sexs uuuuu
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
