oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
