just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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