Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
