the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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