so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
