I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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