I cockslap morals
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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