did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
