everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
