Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
