I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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