there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
