I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
