Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
