i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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