I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
