I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
