I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
