im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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