does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
