one word: firstdatebathroomanal
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize