so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
