Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
