I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
