dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
