You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's blow job season.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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