Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
