I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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