i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
