That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
