She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
