how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
