i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
