The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
