accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
