he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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