i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
