Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
