i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize