you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
