this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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