I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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