What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh god it's open bar.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
