Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
