I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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