just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
