No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
