Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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