i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
