On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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