And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i drank out of a bidet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
