we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And then he peed in my hair
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