We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So much rum. So many feels.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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