the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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