We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
